Guilty Crown: An interpretation of episode 01

Pew pew pew! I’m totally a lighthouse and not an interpretation of the Tokyo Sky Tower!
I’m soooooo naked!
I’m so angsty I watch my pornography on the roof
*POW* *BOOM*
I knew I should have worn clothing more appropriate for a secret mission!

Hello, I’m your bothersome childhood friend. Even though you’re a miserable swine I defy common sense and continue to talk to you.
I mustn’t run away!
I have a book!
I mustn’t run away!
Sure whatever…
*HAM-FISTED BACK STORY*
Phew, I’ve walked three miles to this abandoned building to eat my lunch. I’m so angsty.
I’ve got a lovely bunch of coconuts, fiddly dee dee.
*GRAB* *BONK*
If this wasn’t Production I.G. I’d be inadvertently groping you about now.
Boy that sure is an expensive looking computer for such a damp and drafty building.
Hey you seem like an emotionless doll, but I watched you sing on YouTube, want my lunch?
Om nom nom. London Bridge is falling down, falling down…
So… You come here often?
Here take this cat’s cradle.
But-
TAKE IT
Oh no stormtroopers
You know I could just turn invisible and leave you to be tortured, but I think I’ll jump down and have a chat with these chaps
I AM BALD ERGO I AM EVIL
*KICK*
Well that went better than expected
My kick to your face will cause bruising but not break your jaw and/or nose like it should have.
I mustn’t run away!
Haha, I’m so bad-ass I don’t need to search this obvious hideaway for the very important thing we are looking for. Let’s go guys!
I’m off to go masturbate over girls in comas!
Bleep boop boop.
Quiet Merchandising Opportunity I’m trying to whine!
Crikey this bench is cold
Why is she blindfolded sarge?
SO SHE DOESN’T SEE OUR FACES!
That means she also can’t see that knife…
…
I AM BALD ERGO I AM EVIL
*PUNCH*
Oh hey that skinny effeminate guy is coming to save me!
All this series’ budget went on this fight sequence!
Sploosh!
I am small, annoying and have cat ears and I’m probably the strongest person on this show.
You didn’t protect that wounded half-naked, borderline-catatonic woman you just met? Well I guess she was kind of a wench.
Look senseless killing! If you hadn’t guessed already we’re evil! Look, I’m punching a puppy right now to prove it!
I mustn’t run away!
*SHOOT SHOOT SHOOT*
RARGH! RUNNING TOWARDS THE EXPLOSIONS IS THE BEST IDEA!
Use me!
And by that I guess you mean reach into your chest cavity and pull out a great sword. Is this an analogy for us connecting and me touching your heart?
I’m not sure but that sword is definitely Freudian. Wait, am I your mother?
You squealed when I reached inside your chest.
It’s sexual. But you know, with a gaping chest cavity.
Oh hey that’s right I was shooting.
*SLICE*
Hey why I am exploding with only an arm missing?
*BOOM*
I think my back is on fire.

Responses to “Guilty Crown: An interpretation of episode 01”

DonKangolJones 16 October 2011, 0258

HA! I could think of a lot more episodes that could use this treatment.

ajthefourth 16 October 2011, 0305

This is the most interesting Guilty Crown first episode review that I have read, bar none. ^ ^

animekritik 16 October 2011, 0310

I liked everything except the punching the puppy bit. Punching puppies is unwarranted, even in satire.

zhai2nan2 16 October 2011, 0424

Awesome summary!

I guess everyone noticed the blue roses from Blood+ and the thermoptic camouflage from Ghost in the Shell? Just wait, they will bring out basset hounds next.

The starting sequence was so frenetic that I could barely sit still and watch it. Still, this one looks like a keeper.

VucubCaquix 16 October 2011, 0426

You’d look worried too if YOUR back was on fire…

kluxorious 16 October 2011, 0504

this is definitely one of the best review of Guilty Crown XD

Spoilerific: The funniest syopsis of Guilty Crown episode 1 that you will ever find | PostGygaxian 16 October 2011, 1726

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